The New Life

Engineering student. Engineer.

So, the last semester is over. College is officially done. I don’t know how I feel about that really. I suppose I would have felt more of a change had I gone to a different city. But since that hasn’t happened, I guess it’s not really sinking in that my student life is over.

I finished my last semester doing an off-campus internship, and am currently on a break. The past few months have not been easy. Adjusting to not being a student is a difficult process. Top it off with other personal disappointments, and you have the perfect recipe for becoming “mopey”.

However, I have been trying my very best to not let that happen. In order to overcome my funk, and the consequent writer’s block, I have been taking an online poetry course. It’s called “How Writers Write Poetry 2015“, and is conducted by Iowa university. It was suggested to me by one of my favorite professors, who knows that I enjoy writing. 🙂

It’s definitely a great experience since I’ve never taken a formal course in creative writing before. I have learnt about some really interesting forms, and I hope to add them to my writing practices. I will be bombarding this blog with a lot of poetry in the coming few weeks.

On the whole, I’ve noticed that this blog has seen less of personal blog posts and more of poetry. I know the reason. It’s easier to hide behind poetry and other creative writing than write what’s really on the mind. And there has been a lot on my mind lately. When I started blogging, one of my goals was to make this blog reflect a part of me. And cutting out the personal stories would be detrimental to that. So, I will be making a deliberate attempt to communicate more on this blog.

I know that I haven’t been exactly regular with the posting, and I’m glad that the readers have stuck with me in spite of that. This is my effort to start engaging more, and begin anew.

Photo by Tim Mossholder

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One Last Time

On 20 November 2014, I attended the last ever lecture of my college life. Over the next few days, consciously and sometimes subconsciously, I was aware of the “last” time I would be doing certain things, saying certain things, meeting certain people. The last lecture, the last pen-and-paper exam, the last day at college, the last stroll around the campus, the last visit to every corner of the campus, the last tea in the cafeteria… the last day of living in the hostel, the last memories with friends.

There are of course new things to look forward to. A new job, a new life. But the truth is that I was terrified; terrified of leaving that comfortable place that I had grown to call home. I was afraid of not being a student anymore, not belonging to that wonderful university anymore. I was afraid of growing up, and going out . I was afraid of finding out that life turns out to be very different from what I imagined it to be. I was scared of looking back one day and smile ruefully at my Plans, with a capital P. I still am.

I know all of this is as clichéd as possible. I’m sure every single student goes through the exact same thing. Every college churns out tons of nervous/excited/naïve new adults every year, by the batches. I’m sure every one of these people find their way about. And yet, I don’t know it. For myself. I’m afraid of stumbling through unknown mazes.

It comforts me that there is technically one more semester to go, even if I am doing an internship off campus. Although I won’t be living in the hostel, it is a relief that I can visit sometimes. It is true that I love the idea of new beginnings. But for now, I cannot help but focus on the strings that yet tie me to the university. I cannot help but cherish the small moments of my student life, one last time.